1.how u tell if a black woman is pregnant? bend her over a watermelon and when she stands up if they're are teeth marks on the watermelon then she's pregnant.
2.3 guys are stranded on an island and they have to shove fruits up there ass without laughing or crying or they are eaten by canibles. The first guy shoves 2 oranges up his ass and he cries. They kill him. 2nd guy shoves 2 cherries up his ass and he laughs, they kill him. 1st guy in heaven says why did u laugh, he said, poor fellow the 3rd one, i saw him picking up pineapples.
3.they was a bartender raising money to shut his horse up and a guy comes in and asks what its for, the bartender says i have a horse out back who wont stfu naying all the time. The guy walks in in the back and whipsers something in the horses ear and it starts lauging. Next time the guy walks in and another jar is raised. He said whats that for he said the horse wont stfu laughing. He walked out came back in and the horse was laughing. Bartenders says how did u do it, guy says first time i told him my dick was bigger then his, 2nd time i showed him
4.3 travelers come along and have to stay with a stranger who had 30 daughters. the strager who was a farmer said now ull live if u dont mess with my daughters. The next morning the travlers had sex with all the daughters and the farmer said boys come now. they followed him out to a log. He says pull ur peter out on the logs. they do as he says. he asked the first one what does ur dad do. he said hes a lumberjack, so the farmer cuts it off with a chainsaw. he asked the next one what does ur daddy do? he said he was a butcher, so he chops it off with a meat cleaver. Now the 3rd one is rolling on ground laughing, Farmer gets serious he said whats so fcking funny? he said my daddy makes lolly pops ur gonna have to suck mine off.
5.
Three men, an American, a Russian, and a Puerto Rican, are standing on a bridge. The Russian removes a bottle of vodka from his coat, takes a sip, and then throws the bottle over the bridge.

The Puerto Rican asks, "Why did you do that? That was perfectly good bottle of vodka!"

The Russian replies, "There's plenty of that where I come from."

The Puerto Rican doesn't want to be upstaged, so he removes a joint from his pocket, takes a long puff, and then throws the rest of it over the bridge.

The American exclaims, "Hey! What the hell did you do that for? That was a perfectly good joint!"

The Puerto Rican replies, "There's plenty of that where I come from."

Now, the American doesn't want to be upstaged, so he searches through his pockets but he can't find anything. He looks around for a moment, then grabs the Puerto Rican and throws him over the bridge.

The Russian exclaims, "What the hell did you do that for?"

The American replies, "There's plenty of that where I come from."
6.A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
7.
Whats faster than a speeding bullet? A jew with a coupon.

Why do you never run over a mexican on a bike? It may be your bike.

Who is the best jewish cook? Hitler.

Why does mexico not have an olympic team? Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim has already crossed the border.
8.Knock knock
Who's there?
Jehovah's Witnesses.
...
Knock knock
9.So there was a blonde, brunette, and redhead. They were stuck on an island, and suddenly found a bottle lying on the ground. A genie came out of the bottle and said "I'll give u all 1 wish." The Brunettee said "I wish I could get out of here," and her wish was granted. The redhead said "I wish I could get out of here too," and her wish was granted. Then the blonde said "I wish my friends would come back."